Lonely
by CallMeHush
Summary: When Mello leaves Wammy's house, he leaves behind his best friend and his rival, both of them feeling his absence strongly. Will they be able to find solace in each other? MattXNear One-shot.


**I do believe there is not enough love for MattXNear out there which is terrible because they make such a cute couple ^.^ So anyway, here is a quick one-shot I wrote about them being all adorable together. It takes place just after Mello has left Wammy's house.**

**Reviews make me feel loved *hint hint***

…

The clock on his bedside table ticked loudly in the darkness of Near's room. The young teen lay flat on his back and staring at the white of his ceiling with grey unblinking eyes.

The day had left him restless and no matter how hard he tried, sleep was nothing more than a distant wish. He rested his hands on top of the crisp white bed sheets which matched the pure white of his pyjamas and tried to slow his breathing. Yet no matter how slow his breathing became or how tired his eyelids became, the whirring thoughts would not end.

Because Mello had left. And although Near would never admit it, he was devastated. There was always that small hope he held. That maybe Mello would see past his own pride and join Near, so that together they could become the greatest team. But Mello had never been one to work as part of a team, and especially not with the younger boy he had grown to hate so much. And so now Near lay, the weight of that hope crushing down on him and preventing him the peace he so dearly wished for.

The darkness of his room was pierced slightly as a thin line of light escaped from his doorway, which had now been opened ever so slightly. Near held his breath and there was a moment of hesitation before the door was silently pushed open further, revealing a dark silhouette. Near sat suddenly to face the figure of Matt, Mello's best friend, stood nervously in the doorway.

Matt scratched the back of his head causing his messy red hair to stick out in strange angles before he stepped properly into the room and closed the door behind him, plunging the two boys back into darkness.

"Matt." Near stated in his low monotone voice to the dark room and there was a shuffling sound as Matt moved closer. Near leant over and turned on his bedside light, the yellow glow illuminating the room. Matt was stood in his nightwear, a loose black and white stripy shirt and dark boxer shorts, however he still had his black and yellow goggles hanging loosely around his neck.

"I'm sorry, did I wake you?" He asked with a frown, his light blue eyes meeting the cold grey of Near's.

"No. I couldn't sleep." Near dropped his gaze from the older teen back to his bed sheets.

"Were you thinking of him too?" Matt asked and Near's gaze snapped back up again with fiery determination only to meet a sympathetic look from Matt. He softened his expression slightly before giving a small nod, causing Matt to smile ever so slightly. "It's really cold. Can I…?"

Matt gestured towards the bed and Near gave him a startled look. His fingers curled up around the bed sheets instinctively as he fought for an answer to give Matt. But it seemed that Matt didn't need an answer, as he was already scrambling up onto the bed. As he pulled himself under the sheets, Near shuffled quickly to the far end of the bed so as to make room and also so that the two of them would not come in contact.

Matt turned to face Near and tried not to laugh at how scared the white haired boy looked, his fingers still clutched tightly onto the sheets.

"I don't bite." He announced but Near simply blinked back in silence, absorbing the way Matt's colourful hair and goggles contrasted against the white of his pillow. Matt sighed when he received no response and all light of humour left his eyes. He curled his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them protectively.

Near was so used to seeing Matt as invincible that the image surprised him. Matt was always with Mello, and although he never beat Near as Mello had done, he was never shy of joining in with the taunts, never afraid to accompany Mello in his plans to destroy Near's toys. And yet here he was. As vulnerable as one of the toys Mello had torn to pieces. Near lifted a finger from the sheets to wrap a lock of snowy white hair around it, twirling the strands in thought.

"Maybe he will come back." Near said but they both knew that would never happen. Mello wasn't that type of person, he was so stubborn.

"Maybe." Matt replied but there was no hope in his tone of voice. He raised his head to look at Near, his mouth turned downwards into a frown. "I don't understand why he left me though… I thought… I thought I was his best friend."

"You were. But maybe that was why he left you behind." Near replied calmly, causing a confused look on Matt's side. Near stared up at the ceiling, "Maybe he thought you stood a better chance staying here than if you went with him."

"That's not true. And as soon… as soon as I get out of this place I'm gonna find him." Matt said with a determined voice, the blue of his eyes flashing in the light from the bedside lamp.

Near gave him a small nod of understanding. A small shiver raced down his body and he wrapped his arms around his body tightly, realising that without his grip, the bed sheets had been hijacked by Matt, leaving him exposed at the far end of the bed. Matt felt the shiver on the mattress rather than saw it and he furrowed his brow in concern.

"You're cold?"

"I do admit that my body temperature has decreased slightly." Near said blankly and Matt rolled his eyes at the grim face of the younger teen.

"Come here then." He lifted the bed sheets and beckoned Near closer with one hand. Near looked at the bed sheets, then at Matt's smiling face, contemplating whether a decline would cause Matt to break yet more of his beloved toys. Before he could conjure up a suitable enough answer, his eyes turned wide as he felt a warm grip through the material of his pyjama shirt.

Matt grasped at Near's arm and pulled it forward, leaving the reluctant owner of the arm no choice but to shuffle closer, a startled look on his face.

"For fucks sake Near, don't be so scared." Matt taunted playfully as he placed the bed sheets over the small figure.

"I'm not scared." His small voice came back but Matt noticed that in the new closer conditions, Near was refusing to look him in the eye. He gave an exasperated sigh and flopped his head back onto the pillow. After a few seconds, he turned his head back towards Near.

"I'm sorry if I ever hurt you Near. You should know that I never disliked you… not really."

Near's eyebrows rose slightly in surprise, his head raising to catch Matt's eye. Matt was quick to continue, "I mean… All I ever wanted was to impress him. And he hated you so much that I thought… Well I thought that if I pretended to hate you too then he would accept me."

"I understand." Near stated and looked away from the older teens eyes. And he did understand. There was a certain pull towards Mello that people felt. A need to be accepted by him when he spent so much time turning everyone away. "I suppose I was always an easy target."

Matt stared at Near with wide eyes. Near was always so careful not to show any emotion, always trying so hard to keep his eyes as blank as the white pyjamas he wore. But even Matt could sense the underlying sadness in his voice. Even Matt could see the slight dip of his head, causing his flicky white hair to fall forward and hide his face.

"Maybe you shouldn't play with so many toys, it makes you look all vulnerable and childish." Matt said and when Near's head snapped back up to glare at him he couldn't suppress the small smile that played on his lips. "Calm down, I'm only joking… I think it's cute that you have all your toys."

Near cocked his head slightly to one side in confused astonishment, watching the red head beside him chuckle to himself, the sound of it foreign and appealing to Near.

"Cute." Near grumbled, almost to himself, another shiver racking his body despite the newly acquired bed sheets.

"You're still cold." Matt stated rather than asked but Near didn't reply. Matt gave him a small frown and then without warning, he wrapped one stripy sleeved arm around Near and pulled him even closer, the younger boys cold face colliding with the warmth of Matt's neck.

Near was quick to react with a kick hitting Matt hard in the shin, causing him to release his grip. Near pushed Matt's chest, trying to ignore the pleasant warmth he felt through the thin material with his cool fingers.

"Matt! What do you think you are doing?" He announced with a fierce glare, a slight tinge of pink tainting his usually pale cheeks.

"I'm using my body heat to warm you up, stupid!" Matt announced with an amused grin, admiring how adorable the normally calm Near appeared when flustered.

"I hardly think that is appropriate." Near frowned but made no further attempt to push away more, leaving them still painfully close.

"Oh?" Matt raised his eyebrows in question but a smile still played on his lips. Near gave him a hard stare which made the smile falter and drop, the gaze burning deep into him. "I'm… sorry." He sighed and he brought his hands to his face, rubbing his eyes in a frustrated way.

"It's alright." Near replied and let his head drop heavily onto the mattress.

"I just… I don't want to be alone, Near. He left me here, and I already feel so lonely… Don't you ever feel that way?" He brought his hands away to look at Near who gave him a startled expression. No one had ever asked him that. No one had ever taken the time to consider that maybe the boy who always wanted to be by himself was _lonely_.

"I suppose everyone gets lonely at times. It's a natural human emotion."

"Yes, well everyone wants to be wanted by someone." Matt said, "That's a natural human emotion too."

Near felt a flood of warmth well up inside of him at Matt's words, a scary need to be exactly that. _Wanted_.

His fingers rose to rest on Matt's chest, rising and falling with each breath. Matt looked down at the pale fingers poking out from the loose pyjama shirt and then turned to Near with a serious face.

"You're still cold." He said quietly, his own warm hand moving to grasp at Nears cool fingers. There was a moment of intense silence, in which all that could be heard was the never ending ticking of the clock, counting away the seconds of their contact.

Near met Matt's eyes and there was a sudden increase in his heartbeat, a sudden shortness of his breath which seemed so scary and unfamiliar that he wondered whether he may be having some form of panic attack. But instead of pulling away, he found his body frozen, his eyes locked on the azure blue orbs of Matt's eyes.

And then Matt was moving forward, his actions quick and surprising as his other hand reached for Near's head, pulling him in so that their lips made contact. Matt scrunched his eyes up tight whilst Near kept his wide open in shock, his breath stolen from him in a passionate kiss.

It was then that Near finally acted, his palm pushing firmly on Matt's shoulder so that they broke apart. Near's lips tingled from the sudden withdrawal and Matt's hurt face stared back at him in confusion. Near was breathing quickly, trying to speak the words that would undo what had just happened. But none formed on his lips and as he felt himself crumble under the weight of new emotions crashing down on him.

Because he had _enjoyed_ it. The moment their lips had touched, Near had felt a longing for more almost overtake the rational part of his mind telling him that, no, this was _wrong_. And even now as the tension grew in the air between them, Near couldn't deny that he wanted to kiss Matt again.

And so when Matt brought his face close to his once again, he did not stop him, and the grip he had held on Matt's shoulder even seemed to pull him towards his body. Matt's lips touched his own gently, their soft warmth sending shivers down Near's body. Near let Matt push him backwards so that the red head leaned over his calm body, his lips moving faster against his own.

Matt pushed his fingers into the soft, white curls of Near's hair, his need to touch the younger boy becoming fulfilled. Matt wanted to make Near _feel_. He wanted to make the younger boy experience the untamed raw emotion which racked his whole body due to that huge Mello shaped hole which had appeared in his life. He didn't want Near to fill that hole. He didn't want a replacement. He just wanted Near to _feel._

And Near did feel it. The uncontrollable emotions of desire and want which should have been natural, but yet seemed so foreign to him, so horrifically terrifying. But the fear felt good at the same time. The fear was fuelled by the way Matt's chest pushed hard against his own, the heat of Matt's short breaths on his lips between kisses. The fear was beautiful.

When they eventually pulled apart, Near let his head rest by Matt's neck, his body heat no longer needed but comforting all the same. Matt felt the tickle of Near's hair on his skin and he watched Near fiddle with the black and yellow goggles with pale spidery fingers.

Mello was gone. But for now they had each other. And maybe all that was all that mattered.

…

**Let me know what you think in a review! :D**


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